Liars by Sarah Manguso

 

As the title indicates, this is a book about liars--people lying to other people, each other, and themselves. Early on there is a scene that serves as a metaphor for what's to come when Jane, the narrator, tries to use a marker to hide the fact that her thrift store fur coat is disintegrating. Soon after this, she fills in her 'patchy eyebrows' with a pencil. When Jane, who is a writer, meets John, a self-identified artist and filmmaker, this habit of covering up reality gets more serious. They begin a relationship quickly and it's clear that this is a mistake, especially when they decide to get married. Jane realizes this on some level, but is pretty good at lying to herself and at 'keeping up appearances' with the people she knows. As she says about herself, 'I was a layer cake of abandonment and hurt, and fury, iced with a smile.' (p36) John does his own lying to her and to others. He lies to himself as well, but in a different way than Jane does. He has delusions of grandeur regarding his artwork, which isn't particularly good, mostly, although he seems to think he's a genius. John is lazy and manipulative and seems to fail at everything, leaving Jane to pick up the pieces and cover for him as best she can. Meanwhile, Jane is a successful writer, which John resents. When 'the child' arrives, things get worse and the pressure on Jane builds, particularly when they move back and forth between NY and California a few times while John chases down funding for his ideas. The pressure is always on Jane. John needs someone to blame for his own failings and inadequacies. 'He kept telling me to stop letting it show on my face. To hide how I felt so that no one would know, no one would be able to read the proof of my shame and humiliation, which by then I always felt for John so he never needed to feel it himself.' (p 81)

And so the lies continue throughout the book as things continue to fall apart. It's not quite the case that this is a portrait of a marriage falling apart, but more that the marriage was falling apart before it began because the two people involved were already in crisis before they met. The (unnamed) child both exacerbates the situation and gives Jane someone to be stronger for, even as she sometimes uses him as an excuse to stay in the marriage.

The book is structured in short paragraphs of various lengths and this fits the narrative well. Jane goes back and forth--one minute she has clarity about what is going on and the next she's telling herself that she's so lucky and of course she loves John and they have a happy family. The short paragraphs illustrate this as the reader whipsaws back and forth with Jane's thoughts. The book is extremely well written and I was drawn in from the start, finishing in one sitting because I didn't want to put it down. This book is almost exclusively focused on the devastation of the relationship and Jane's responses to it. There is a lot about how overwhelmed Jane is at what seems to be required of her as John's wife and 'the child's' mother, as well as how she feels she is losing herself in the process, but here and there are sprinkled comments about the next book she is having published, so clearly there was writing time happening, even if it was hard to carve out. This is a painful book to read at times. John was pathetic and thoroughly unlikable. That said, this is an excellent book and I'm glad to have read it. I haven't read any other work by this author, but will now seek it out.

Thanks to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for a digital review copy.

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I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues

 My annual summer blues have been pretty intense this year and, as always, I am eagerly looking forward to some good sleep. I need a chilly (or even cold) room and a few blankets. The other morning I was standing at the open kitchen window and felt the hint of a sharp edge to the wind that blew in. It made me smile. Now that we're almost 2 months past solstice, the nights are lengthening. Yesterday was our last post-9 pm sunset of the year. This led to more smiling. I'm starting to feel less glum as we move closer to my happy time of year. As I await the change of season, I continue to do the things that bring me joy in the midst of extreme tiredness and deep blues, relying on books and yarn to lift my spirits. Today I finished a blue project.

All of our socks are handmade by me, some of them made many years ago. Bill needed some new ones as some of his older ones are starting to show lots of wear. Since we have no local yarn shop and sock yarn isn't something I find in charity shops, I went to the website of Springwools in Dublin and emailed him some possibilities. He looked through these and made his selections, deciding on a blue variegated and a dark denim blue. The skein of variegated (which is showing more green in the photo--it's blue IRL) is large enough for a pair of socks with lots left over. The dark denim blue is enough for one sock with some left. I started with the large skein and made a pair. Then I made a pair of fraternal twins using the rest of that and most of the smaller skein. I finished that pair this afternoon.

He likes a plain foot, so that's what I did. 

There's more blue in my future, but first I'm diving into some purple. Last week a friend gifted me two skeins of sock yarn--one in a purple colorway so I can make myself a pair, and one in a dark blue/light blue/light purple colorway so I can make Bill a pair.

I've never used this particular sock yarn before and I'm really looking forward to it. It looks like it's self-patterning, so it's dyed in such a way that as one knits, it creates patterns automatically. It will be fun to watch this happen as I knit.

For any sock knitters out there, here's the sock info:

The blue variegated is King Cole Zig Zag, which comes in 420m skeins. I love this yarn. Great colors. I've used it several times in the past for both knitted and crocheted socks. It's lovely to work with, wears well, and the resulting socks are great. Last autumn, I got a skein in a Christmas colorway, knitted myself a pair of socks and had enough left to crochet another pair, using scrap balls in a plain cream for toes and heels. Highly recommend this yarn.

The dark denim color is Lang Jawoll Sock. It's 210m and comes with a 5g spool of reinforcement yarn. I've never used this yarn before, so I don't know how well it will wear. I did use the reinforcement yarn on the heel flap and turn.

They're just plain top-down socks. I use 2x2 rib on US size 1 needles over 68 stitches for the cuffs, change to US size 0, then do a heel flap, heel turn, gusset to start the foot. I decrease the gusset stitches every other round until I have 72 stitches left and work the foot until the toe decreases. I use a star toe. 

I will probably do the same on the socks I make with my new purple yarn. I sometimes do some sort of pattern on the top of the foot, but in this case, I want to knit plain so I can see how the patterns unfold.

Whatever it is that brings you joy, I hope you get to do a lot of it as this season starts to wind down.

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