After my post last night, I realized that I should have made it clear that I am not anti-Christian. In that post, I recounted the story of an exchange I had with someone who identified as a right-wing evangelical Christian. This person was against the 'government handout' of food assistance to people with low incomes and her biggest argument for why was that some deli-owning friends told her that 60% of their customers paid with their food benefit cards. The hypocrisy was a part of the story, to be sure, but for me it was more her political views and her lack of thinking skills that stayed with me about the story. Because what immediately leaps to mind is that the 'government handout' was obviously also keeping her friends' deli afloat, if it was true that 60% of their business relied on those very 'handouts.' Beyond that, she clearly didn't think twice about the 'government handouts' that benefit her, like tax deductions and other benefits. Since this 'conversation' happened a long time ago, there was also no shortage of racism on full display--stereotypes about the direct recipients of food assistance and of the administration that was in charge at the time. She wasn't keen on having a Black president. So my issues with her went beyond her hypocrisy regarding her religion. To be honest, I'd come to expect it from a certain kind of self-identified Christian. You see, I'd spent a fair bit of time with right-wing Christians before that and some of them were the most nasty, brutal, racist people I've ever personally known--even to each other. I've also known people who were those things and not Christian as well as Christians (or Christ-followers as some of them preferred to call themselves) who were/are some of the most kind, caring, humane, wonderful people I've ever had the privilege to be friends with. People are people and no matter how they identify, it's their actions and how they live that determine whether I think it's a good idea to have them in my life.
And at one time in my life--more than a quarter of a century ago now-- I unexpectedly found myself in a situation where I was hanging out with one person in particular and then a group of her friends once in a while, who were evangelical Christians. Later, I came into contact with more such people in different parts of the country. In all cases, I was always very clear that I was not a believer and they were always nice to me. More than once I was told that I was the only non-Christian friend they had. I was always a bit uncomfortable with this because I thought 'friend' might be a little strong. Maybe friendly acquaintance would have been more comfortable for me in most cases. In any event, eventually we either drifted apart due to us moving to a different area or I could no longer stomach the hatred and ugliness that these people expressed to others. These experiences were extremely eye-opening for me and I learned a lot. In fact, they were what allowed me to understand where things were heading politically. When I tried to explain what I knew to my non-Christian, usually lefty friends, they chose not to believe me. At that point, it was clear that it was time to start looking towards leaving the country.
I didn't set out to become a part of this right-wing Christian world--it happened because of crochet--LOL At the time, Yahoo Groups were a big thing and I'd joined a crochet one. There I 'met' a couple of women who lived in my town. We agreed to meet in person and we became friends. We'd take each other out to lunch on birthdays, get together at our homes, and I accompanied one of them to the hospital for cancer treatment and to a support group. One of these women was an evangelical Christian. She invited me to her women's group, which met once a month. I was interested to learn more--not because I wanted to convert, but because I wanted to know more about the culture. So I went. Again, they knew I did not share their beliefs. They were nice to me. But I did get a glimpse of the ugliness underneath through both the stories my friend told me and some things I witnessed myself. One day, we were on our way to the group. She was driving and I saw a mystery paperback there in the minivan. It was a book in a series which featured a cat, written by Rita Mae Brown. I wasn't thinking and casually said, 'Oh, I'm surprised you like her books. She's a lesbian, you know.' I was immediately sorry I said this because she started swerving across the lane and I thought we might go off the road. It was winter, so this was not a crazy thought. She was very upset and started almost babbling at me, 'I didn't know that. Please don't tell anyone. I didn't know. Please don't tell them.' I assured her that I wouldn't and told her it was OK to enjoy the books. No one had to know. Her husband wasn't likely to know this fact about the author and if she liked the books, that was all that mattered. The women in the group probably wouldn't be interested in what she was reading beyond their accepted religious books. The fact that she was so very upset showed me the fear that she lived with lest she somehow transgress in the eyes of her community. She told me once about some mental health issues she was having. The 'support' she got from this community was to be told over and over that she was possessed by demons and needed to pray harder. This woman seemed to be vulnerable and just ground down by life to me, not nasty. Others I have known were truly nasty, sometimes to the point where it took my breath away. But I've known people who were in one of those categories or the other who weren't Christian, so it just depends on the person.
I've always liked a story about an actual Korean Buddhist nun, sometimes recounted by a secular Buddhist meditation teacher who knew this nun. The nun decided that it would take too long if she waited to become enlightened, so she decided her practice was to go out each day and be a Buddha. She did this as best as she could. At the end of each day, she engaged in some self-reflection and asked herself how she did, where did she fall short, and how could she do better tomorrow. This resonates with me. I have had and do have friends who do much the same thing with Jesus as their role model. Some people do this kind of thing without a spiritual or religious underpinning. No matter how it's done, I think it's a good thing to be aware, to try to be kind and caring towards others, and to engage in some self-reflection.
